I like planes, they’re like magic because even though you’re sitting still the whole world moves and you stand up and you’re in a new place where all sorts of wonderful things might happen. Like the other week, when I sat down on the plane and I barely had enough time to eat my Starmix after picking out all the fried eggs because I don’t really like eggs and suddenly we were in a lovely place where everyone wore yellow shirts and seemed really happy to see us. The yellow shirts were nice because it was like being back home in Brazil. Mr Wenger was a bit quiet and frowny on the flight back from Yellow Shirt Land, so I offered him my fried eggs but he said no.
Maybe Mr Wenger doesn’t like eggs either.
This weekend was nice because we had a really long go in the plane because we were going to Manchester, which is where the Shouty Purple Man lives. I think Shouty Purple Man is funny because he turns purple when he shouts, but Thomas says I need to be careful around him, because if I don’t watch he might grab me and make me live with him in Manchester while throwing lots of big numbers at me every week. All the other boys laughed at this but I was quite scared because I’m not very good with numbers I’m better at drawing, but Mikel said don’t worry, Shouty Purple Man will definitely, definitely never grab me so I said thanks and went back to drawing my picture of bird wearing a hat.
So we got to Manchester and I was happy because I was one of the boys Mr Wenger asked to run around on the grass. I thought Carl might be upset that he wasn’t asked to run around, but he was busy rocking back and forth in the corner of dressing room and breathing funny. I asked what he was doing and he said remembering so I said okay and walked away.
So we went out onto the grass and I did some really good running. It was strange because almost as soon as we got on the grass Rafael who looks like Fabio who I sometimes see when we’re both wearing yellow shirts tried to do his running right at me, but I managed to get out of the way and do my running on my own. I heard Thomas shout a bit and then all the sitting-down people stood up and said YAAAAAYYYYY so I think I must have done my best running of all.
Then the Whistle Man said we should stop for a bit and I saw my friend Robin who I haven’t seen for really ages actually. I said that to Robin and he said back that I definitely didn’t see him forty-five minutes ago but I didn’t understand that so I smiled and hoped he’d say something else. Robin asked how I was and I said I was a bit cold so Robin gave me his shirt. I asked him if he’d get in trouble and would they make him pay for a new shirt and he said he’d be all right for money and he giggled. I didn’t see Robin again after that, but it’s nice that he’s happy, wherever he is.
In the dressing room, Mr Wenger looked really super frowny a lot. Thomas tried to shout at us but Per gave him a look and we all just sat around having a think. I thought up a song about my shoes but I can’t remember how it goes now.
Soon it was time to run around again and I tried to put Robin’s shirt on because I really was quite cold but Jack took it off me and said some bad words. I said I was cold so Jack said try running around a bit more and I said okay because I like running around and I think I’m good at it. Later on, when the Whistle Man made his Stop Running whistle I was quite tired so I tried to find Jack and get my shirt back but I couldn’t find him. I asked Theo if he’d seen Jack but he was busy trying to get the Shouty Purple Man to look at him and making his hand look like a phone. Shouty Purple Man must have been thinking Silly Theo! Your hand isn’t a phone! because he just laughed and laughed and Theo looked sad.
Then we got on another plane and I had a nap and when I woke up we were back in Arsenal Town, which is also called London. It used to be that I’d drive to my house in my car but now I’m not allowed because I was naughty, so a nice man drives me instead. Before I could get in the nice man’s car, Mr Wenger looked at me and I said Please André, please. Kieran isn’t going to be ready for Germany, we need you to be better. Please, please be better. I could tell he was upset so I looked him in the eye and said: ‘I know Mr Wenger, and I’m sorry. You paid a lot of money to bring me here and I haven’t shown why you made that choice when it really matters. I can only apologise, and reassure you that I will double my efforts in the future. From now on you’ll see a different André Santos – a more concentrated, more aware, more active André Santos. I won’t let you down Mr Wenger, this I promise.’
And I meant it. Next time, I’m going to try as hard as I can and draw a bird with two hats.
Nicol Hay watches a lot of sport and then writes about it. It's a compulsion, and he needs help desperately. His blogging can be found here, and you can follow him on Twitter here.