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OMG! We killed Louis!

25 February 2016

“Desire … it is a great word. I often use the word ‘horny’ with my players.”

Those of us who managed to resist the tractor beam of wild success emanating from Old Trafford during Manchester United’s 90s heyday are thoroughly enjoying the dull fumbling that passes for football there these days, but perhaps we shouldn’t be.


When van Gaal arrived on this sceptered isle, the potential for mayhem was both acknowledged and anticipated. Not only because his reputation as a manager was indisputable, but his turn of phrase and touchline tomfoolery made him a perfect foil for the press.

But while his failure to motivate his players, organise them into a shape capable of contorting into an attacking force at will and, perhaps most importantly, replicate his airborne antics of the 1995 Champions League final has left United fans bereft, the rest of us need to acknowledge that his lack of success and the subsequent pasting he’s received has crushed the man who once dropped his trousers in front of Philipp Lahm and Bastian Schweinsteiger.

A gentle reminder of this shattered potential emerged yesterday from a press conference held in the build-up to the return leg Europa League game vs. Midtjylland.


You can be sure we’re in dark times when the most incisive response to “I want my players to be horny,” is Lineker’s half arsed “he’s taken sexy football to an entirely different level with that one.”

Remember, if they’d been successful under van Gaal, it would have been awful but there would have been mitigating factors.

This way, literally no one wins. Including Louis.


By Kelly Welles


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