Claudio Ranieri: Tinkerman fails to live up to yet-to-be-determined expectations, though lasts four years at Stamford Bridge despite not picking Torres.

José Mourinho: A lack of ‘room in this here town for the both of us’ sees the Special One skulk off to Inter in Milan, leaving Abramovich straddling misery and grinning in the saloon.

Avram Grant: Captain Leader Legend slips in Moscow and denies Baron Silas Greenback the chance to manage Chelsea a few months into the following season.

Luiz Felipe Scolari: A loss to Liverpool despite glorious beginnings belies the theory that the World Cup is hard to win.

Guus Hiddink: Swindled out of the Champions League final by a conspiracy the goes all the way to the Oval Office. All Norwegians are scoundrels and cheats.

Carlo Ancelotti: Wins all the wrong trophies, and loses out in the fight between the Mafia and Abramovich’s Secret Death Bear Squad.

André Villas-Boas: Portuguese caretaker manager wasn’t told of his role, eventually making way for his assistant, and Abramovich’s first choice, in a confusing turn of events.

Roberto Di Matteo: Buys time and Victor Moses after breaking German hearts, but his racial ambiguity causes problems with influential players / captains / leaders / legends at the club.

Rafael Benitez: Swallowed up by own sense of accomplishment after Chelsea win the Europa League. Re-emerges from the dead zone three years later to manage Chelsea in an interim role. Probably.

Max Grieve

Chelsea, Roman Abramovich, Rafa Benitez, AVB, Di Matteo, Scolari, Ancelotti, Avram Grant, Hiddink, Mourinho, Ranieri