The latest things going on in football tagged with `Juventus`
Juve’s latest social media campaign requires you to impress Andrea Pirlo with your skills.
Given that he remains unmoved by an axe balancer, an opera singer and a couple of flirty surfers, it’s highly unlikely that staring intently into his eyes before dribbling all over his smart Jeep trackie top and collapsing into a heap at his feet is going to impress football’s official arbiter of cool.
Effectively rules us out then, doesn’t it?
By Kelly Welles
This is a photo of an extract from Andrea Pirlo’s autobiography, released today.
In one short paragraph, he manages to insult the French, relate his position as he prepared to take his penalty in the World Cup final to that of the everyday Italian businessman and a prostitute and assert his national pride.
Oh, and render the argument that English footballers don’t need to be articulate because they’re good at football completely and utterly redundant.
By Kelly Welles
Image via Twitter.
Bayer 04 Leverkusen 0-5 Man Utd
Evans and Valencia couldn’t celebrate. They, like us, were sickened that the game went ahead despite the absence of football luminary and local crime fighter Sidney Sam.
Juventus 3-1 FC Copenhagen
The demon barber of the San Siro is apparently now plying his terrifying trade in Turin.
Real Madrid 4-1 Galatasaray
That’s 17 red cards for Ramos in a Madrid shirt. You’d think he’d know the drill by now, wouldn’t you?
Paris Saint Germain 2-1 Olympiakos
Meanwhile, in Paris there was a welcome return for the Zlatan death grip – a variation on the Vulcan death grip that leaves victims convinced that Pep Guardiola is a terrible man.
Ajax 2-1 Barcelona
So Viktor Fischer, how does it feel to beat one of the best club sides in history?
Man City 4-2 Viktoria Plzen
Woo hoo! Joe Hart is back!
Basel 1-0 Chelsea
Good to see you’ve smartened yourself up, ya scruffbag. #glasshouses
Borussia Dortmund 3-1 Napoli
Sven Bender broke his nose, bringing the total number of serious facial injuries he has suffered in the last two years to three. It’s becoming increasingly clear why Mr & Mrs Bender needed a spare.
By Kelly Welles
Images: Kicker.jp, Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe, tumblr, FRANCK FIFE/AFP/Getty Images, Jamie McDonald/Getty Images Europe.
It might be true that with one casual swing of his boot he murdered collective international hope that Spain, for once, would not qualify for the final of a major tournament.
That as that ball soared out of the Castelao stadium, it carried with it our (misguided anyway, it turns out) prayers that Spanish tiki-taka techniques would fail to translate to the pitches of Brazil.
Leonardo Bonucci, an effective combatant in any environment. Image via tumblr.
But before you start sourcing poorly constructed effigies of Leonardo Bonucci to parade around the streets in some kind of ill-advised protest, you might want to remember exactly who you’re dealing with here.
For Bonucci is the man who, when confronted by an armed robber outside a Ferrari dealership last year, punched the assailant in the face and then chased him as he tried to escape on a moped. Even the robber was bewildered, shouting “What are you doing? Are you mad? I’ll shoot you”.
That was a man with a gun. All you have to defend yourself is your mum’s dressmaking dolly you’ve tarted up with a knock-off Juve shirt.
It’s not worth it. Just leave the boy alone.
If Paul Lambert secures his move to Aston Villa, it’ll be an amazing achievement from the man who was managing in League One just three years ago. It wouldn’t be his greatest achievement though. That was undoubtedly keeping Zinedine Zidane quiet in the 1997 Champions League final. Check it: