The Football Ramble
Est 2007 - the most entertaining voice in football

The latest things going on in football tagged with `Juventus`

pirlo

This is a photo of an extract from Andrea Pirlo’s autobiography, released today.

In one short paragraph, he manages to insult the French, relate his position as he prepared to take his penalty in the World Cup final to that of the everyday Italian businessman and a prostitute and assert his national pride.

Oh, and render the argument that English footballers don’t need to be articulate because they’re good at football completely and utterly redundant.

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By Kelly Welles

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Image via Twitter.

Juventus, Andrea Pirlo

Bayer 04 Leverkusen 0-5 Man Utd
manchester

Evans and Valencia couldn’t celebrate. They, like us, were sickened that the game went ahead despite the absence of football luminary and local crime fighter Sidney Sam.

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Juventus 3-1 FC Copenhagen

juve

The demon barber of the San Siro is apparently now plying his terrifying trade in Turin.

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Real Madrid 4-1 Galatasaray

ramos

That’s 17 red cards for Ramos in a Madrid shirt. You’d think he’d know the drill by now, wouldn’t you?

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Paris Saint Germain 2-1 Olympiakos

zlatan

Meanwhile, in Paris there was a welcome return for the Zlatan death grip – a variation on the Vulcan death grip that leaves victims convinced that Pep Guardiola is a terrible man.

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Ajax 2-1 Barcelona

fischer

So Viktor Fischer, how does it feel to beat one of the best club sides in history?

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Man City 4-2 Viktoria Plzen

joe hart

Woo hoo! Joe Hart is back!

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Basel 1-0 Chelsea

mou

Good to see you’ve smartened yourself up, ya scruffbag. #glasshouses

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Borussia Dortmund 3-1 Napoli

dortmund

Sven Bender broke his nose, bringing the total number of serious facial injuries he has suffered in the last two years to three. It’s becoming increasingly clear why Mr & Mrs Bender needed a spare.  

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By Kelly Welles

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Images: Kicker.jp, Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe, tumblr, FRANCK FIFE/AFP/Getty Images, Jamie McDonald/Getty Images Europe.

Manchester United, Juventus, Barcelona, Real Madrid, Napoli, Chelsea, Borussia Dortmund, Ajax

It might be true that with one casual swing of his boot he murdered collective international hope that Spain, for once, would not qualify for the final of a major tournament.

That as that ball soared out of the Castelao stadium, it carried with it our (misguided anyway, it turns out) prayers that Spanish tiki-taka techniques would fail to translate to the pitches of Brazil.

Scuba Bonucci
Leonardo Bonucci, an effective combatant in any environment. Image via tumblr.

But before you start sourcing poorly constructed effigies of Leonardo Bonucci to parade around the streets in some kind of ill-advised protest, you might want to remember exactly who you’re dealing with here.

For Bonucci is the man who, when confronted by an armed robber outside a Ferrari dealership last year, punched the assailant in the face and then chased him as he tried to escape on a moped. Even the robber was bewildered, shouting “What are you doing? Are you mad? I’ll shoot you”.

That was a man with a gun. All you have to defend yourself is your mum’s dressmaking dolly you’ve tarted up with a knock-off Juve shirt.

It’s not worth it. Just leave the boy alone.

 

Juventus, Spain, Italy, confederations cup, Leonardo Bonucci

Before recording this week’s show, Luke and Pete sat down and had an absolutely drama-packed game of FIFA.

video, Juventus, Ramble, FIFA12, Newcastle

If Paul Lambert secures his move to Aston Villa, it’ll be an amazing achievement from the man who was managing in League One just three years ago. It wouldn’t be his greatest achievement though. That was undoubtedly keeping Zinedine Zidane quiet in the 1997 Champions League final. Check it:

Lambert, Zidane, Champions League, Dortmund, Juventus

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