The latest things going on in football tagged with `Newcastle`
Spurs’ medical staff received a great deal of praise from the medical community after their prompt attention helped to save Fabrice Muamba’s life, but that goodwill is dissipating dramatically after Andre Villas-Boas allowed Hugo Lloris to stay on the pitch after receiving a serious head injury.
Despite losing consciousness after colliding with Romelu Lukaku, Lloris insisted he was fine to continue; a decision which his manager later endorsed, stating:
“Hugo seemed assertive and determined to continue and showed great character and personality. We decided to keep him on based on that.”
Medical professionals have criticised the decision, with the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence stating that “people should not play any contact sport for at least three weeks after suffering a concussion”.
While assertiveness and determination are obviously important in a goalkeeper, there’s a fine line between heroism and putting yourself at unnecessary risk. In this case, it looks as though he got away with it, but hopefully all the kerfuffle will ensure that in future, AVB will follow protocol and realise that endorsing the decisions of a man who’s just received a knee to the face looks terrible from any angle.
He’s not going to help you, Joe.
Meanwhile, at the Cave of Funk, Newcastle United’s impressive 2-0 victory over Chelsea was somewhat overshadowed by the news that Director of Football Joe Kinnear had expressed an interest in Shane Ferguson while watching Swansea play, only to be told he was already a Newcastle player.
While this won’t surprise anyone who heard Kinnear’s TalkSport interview shortly after his appointment, Newcastle fans are unlikely to be impressed by this latest revelation about the man who, in name at least, is responsible for ‘directing’ their future.
Quite frankly, it’s petrifying.
For the avoidance of doubt, Marcus Speller did not ghostwrite Sven-Göran Eriksson’s book, nor advise him on the inclusion of ‘wickedly indiscreet’ details that made us choke on our cornflakes this weekend.
Rumours are rife that the Ramble anchorman, a keen follower of the balding smoothie, may have prompted Eriksson to open up about the intimate details of his relationships with Nancy Dell’Olio (“irritating”), Ulrika Jonsson (“nice to talk to”) and Sir Alex Ferguson (“venomous”), for his own personal titlillation.
We refute this wholeheartedly. There would be no reason for Marcus to be camping outside Tesco now for a book released on Tuesday if he knew all the troubling details.
Like the fact that Svennigans apparently talks “dirty in this singy-songy broken English” during sex. Shudder.
By Kelly Welles
Tottenham Hotspur 2-2 Hull City (Spurs 8-7 on penalties)
If sheer force of will was sufficient to move that ball there would have been no need for penalties at White Hart Lane. Or goal line technology for that matter. Does anyone have Uri Geller’s phone number?
Newcastle United 0-2 Manchester City (aet)
Maybe he could help this man out while he’s here. Manuel Pellegrini’s faith in his No.1 could do with a bit of healing.
The draw has been made, Ramble-beans, so in case you missed it, here’s who the winners this week will face, w/c 16th December. We, as usual, will be all over it.
Leicester vs. Manchester City
Stoke vs. Manchester United
Sunderland/Southampton vs. Chelsea
Tottenham vs. West Ham
By Kelly Welles
Images: metro.co.uk, Ian Horrocks/Getty Images Europe.
It isn’t just the preserve of mainstream media outlets to break out in hysterics on Transfer Deadline Day. Things can get pretty darn tense at Ramble HQ too, what with various people’s affiliations, non-affiliations, unrequited love affairs and managerial ineptitude above and beyond the call of duty.
But while proper journalists are stationed at the sharp end and rumours abound about high scoring teams being pursued around airports by twitchy QPR managers, don’t think we’re not working too. Of course, our limited budget means we remain firmly ensconced in the dingy, damp basement we call Ramble HQ, but we’re practically inviting index finger arthritis with our repeated hitting of refresh and the emotional input is knackering.
A glance around the darkened space reveals the following:
JamesOrJim rocking back and forth in a huge duvet coat, waiting with bated breath to see how Arsene Wenger is going to cock up the signing of Mesut Ozil. The club are reportedly in “advanced talks”, so confirmation that the doe-eyed one has signed for Napoli is due any time now.
Pete’s having trouble with continental inertia too – the news that sartorial fear monger Bafe Gomis will be staying with Lyon for the foreseeable future coming hot on the heels of Yohan Cabaye’s betrayal. He’d be would be inconsolable and possibly dangerous to the public if not for the fact that Dominic Vose has been released by Barnet.
Please do not contribute to his campaign to bring Dominic to the Ramble team, even if he begs you. In all likelihood he’ll get drunk and spend the donations on a job lot of reconditioned bassoons.
As host, captain of Ramble FC (direct free kicks and pennos unless pre-arranged with Luke) and fire marshal, Marcus is impervious to emotion. To the untrained eye, at least. He likes to think he’s untouchable, but he’ll crumble if Bairdinho leaves Fulham for QPR. Crumble.
Not like Luke. His response to Ricky Kaka’s betrayal has been inspirational. In case you haven’t heard, the Brazilian has inexplicably snubbed a move to Fratton Park in favour of returning to obscure Italian side AC Milan.
Shame really. He could’ve been a contender.
H/T to @_Kempy_ for Redknapp pic!
We’ve spoken before about the joy one can find following Sammy Ameobi on Twitter, but time and technology wait for no man. Lately, Sammy has been eschewing microblogging in favour of expressing himself and solving life’s pesky problems on popular social network, Instagram.
Let’s see what he’s been up to, shall we?
As an elite footballer, Sammy often wakes up in unfamiliar locations. In an attempt to prevent him from wandering the corridors of Twitter every day asking people what his name is, club officials arranged for him to have his own personalised pillow, forgetting he views everything through his camera lens. Confusion continues to reign in Sammy’s bedroom.
A tough morning at training ensues and Sammy incurs the wrath of book lovers everywhere by posting a photo of himself reading a book, marking his place with a turned down page corner. His socks and sandals combo also attracts some criticism, but oddly, it’s mostly the corner. HE"S HOLDING A BOOK, PEOPLE! He should be knighted. Or at least offered an OBE.
Hashtag Hunger Pangs
After Graham Westley’s adventures in mobile telephony, it might be reasonable to assume that most players prefer a more conventional means of dialogue with their managers. Not Sammy. Trapped in a hotel room within a viewing distance of a favoured fast food restaurant, our hero issues the following plea to his boss for sustenance: So close but yet so far #tempted #pleasealan.
Alan Pardew, presumably aiming to keep his players on side since Joe Kinnear’s arrival, promptly obliges. #thanksalan
In Bed With Sammy Ameobi
As we know, Sammy enjoys sharing EVERY aspect of his life on social networking sites. Here he promotes his commitment to an abstinent lifestyle by showing us a picture of his sex face.
Not really. He was having a massage. But unfortunately it’s probably not far away from the reality.
All images via instagram.
As Gus Poyet’s gardening leave ended with a generous spray of manure on national television, the St James’s Park faithful were still choking on the continuing pong emanating from Joe Kinnear’s appointment as Newcastle United’s Director of Football.
So far, highlights of his tenure include someone called Derek Zambezi resigning, Kinnear attempting to reassure fans by claiming he’s cleverer than them and Shearer’s Bar changing its name to ‘Nine’, although accompanying reports state this was a planned refurbishment and not a response to criticism from the club’s legendary striker.
At this point, there are only two events that could conceivably improve things for Toon supporters.
Meantime, Roma have gone all Spartacus on our asses with their new season ticket campaign. They claim that nobody is hungrier that they are, although people who have seen what the Football Ramble can do to a tray of canapés might beg to differ.
For those of you currently considering your third sausage roll of the day, here’s a picture of Francesco Totti in his pomp just to remind you why you shouldn’t.
In actual football news, Tahiti unsurprisingly failed to overturn a goal difference of minus sixteen against Uruguay and qualify for the semi-finals. Instead they conceded another eight and go home safe in the knowledge that their plucky performances “won the hearts of fans across the globe”. That’s football speak for “watching you getting battered was mildly diverting for us but you can leave now.”
With Mexico, Japan and Nigeria also bowing out early, the scene is set for semi-finals of massive historical significance. If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll recall how the 1950 World Cup final between Brazil & Uruguay went, and that was before Luis Suarez’s teeth were involved.
For those with shorter memory spans, Italy face Spain on Thursday in a replay of the Euro 2012 final.
If you can’t remember that, we seriously recommend you lay off the Jager-trains.