The Football Ramble
Est 2007. The most entertaining voice in football

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24 August 2015

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Crudsports

You can’t spell party without prat, people!

In this week’s episode, the self-proclaimed Coalition of Idiots emerge from the wreckage of Luke’s Shanice impression to find Chelsea have won the Premier League at Palace, purposeful apathy has broken out out at Newcastle United and Rafa Benitez has resorted to desperate measures to get back into the Liverpool dugout.

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Paxman gets the points.

5 May 2015

Spear of destiny

The hot dog selection is terrible at modern football, but Marcus, Jim, Pete and Luke manage to take their minds off it by discussing the accusation that Chelsea are boring, Everton’s 3-0 victory over Manchester United and Bournemouth’s incredible journey from insolvency to the cusp of promotion to the Premier League.

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Go on. Take your medicine.

27 April 2015

The Falkirk Guy

With our very own blond beauty in absentia this week, it’s up to Marcus, Jim and Pete to maintain standards. Thankfully, Tim Sherwood swoops in to save their blushes, steering Aston Villa to an unexpected FA Cup final while the perils of being a Blackpool fan and hearty coverage of a scandal in the Evo-Stik Division 1 North all contribute to the illusion that the Ramble is indeed fit for purpose.

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Come back Luke! You can have the points and everything!

21 April 2015

Frenchie Navy

An aggressive start to the show sees Marcus, Jim and Pete tilting nervously at Luke’s windmills while running the Ramble rule over the Manchester derby, Cesc’s late winner at QPR and the prospects of promotion for a handful of high flying Championship clubs. Also featuring a pun that, on reflection, should have been edited out.

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Can’t be bothered? That’s a paddlin’.

14 April 2015

Football ft. Nate Dogg

IT’S MR RAMBLE! Mid 90s soft rock scenes abound at Ramble HQ as Luke, Pete, Jim and Marcus get their leather n’ lace on to talk about the Tyne-Wear derby, goalkeeping capers on the opening day of the Swedish Allsvenskan and a list of offences committed by Gigi Becali before his release from prison.

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Woooooooooooh!

8 April 2015

I’ll walk straight through the fires of hell to face you, Kane

Marcus fails miserably to contain his excitement at Pete’s return to the Ramble fold, so Jim and Luke don their ear defenders before eventually getting round to discussing the week’s football. Matters at hand include Harry Kane’s international debut in England’s 4-0 victory over Lithuania, the home nations chances of qualifying for EURO 2016 and Luke’s big shop.

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It literally makes no sense. It’s the Football Ramble.

1 April 2015

Unbelievable belief

While Pete’s away, the Ramblers will mock his new tattoo, Steven Gerrard’s foray into philately and the practical applications of Martin O’Neill’s fondness for bloody murder. Also on the Ra-genda (nope… Ed) Chelsea’s ‘weird’ 3-2 victory over Hull, Newcastle’s second half fightback vs. Arsenal and Paul Scholes’ peculiar brand of dispiriting punditry.

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“It’s not as good without Pete.” Jim Campbell.

23 March 2015

Can I have some old ham?

No one ever got punched in the early days when the Ramble was recorded in Luke’s kitchen. Luke, Marcus and Jim ponder this point in light of Wayne Rooney’s unlikely knock out at the fist of Phil Bardsley and Sunderland’s equally embarrassing capitulation to Tim Sherwood’s Aston Villa.

In Europe, Real Madrid sneak past Schalke in the Champions League quarter finals, and the Bernabeu’s baffling hostility towards Gareth Bale receives a Ramble raised eyebrow.

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“Come on. It’s Spurs.”

16 March 2015

Borrowed some tools to chisel you down

Player statues have always been a rich seam for the Football Ramble and Marcus, Luke, Jim & Pete don their helmets and waste no time in mining news of Alan Shearer’s commemorative erection, largely at Newcastle United and Kevin Keegan’s expense.

Upon their return, they explore whether the dark days of football have indeed returned after fans invaded the Villa Park pitch and then confirm they have by performing a series of Robbie Savage impersonations.

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“It’s not whimsical, it’s a dereliction of duty.”

9 March 2015

Solitude

Pete gets as close as he ever will to the mayorship of London as he, Luke, Marcus and Jim discuss policies we might see if Sol Campbell gets himself elected, in a politically motivated Football Ramble.

Chelsea’s victory over Spurs in the League Cup Final and a Christmas World Cup prompt guffaws from both sides of the house and Marcus ventures off message with a tennis analogy.

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“The Premier League will just carry on. Don’t worry about it.”

2 March 2015

Shoddily fluid

An opening question about pathetic capitulations reminds Marcus, Luke, Pete And Jim about Middlesbrough 8, Sven’s Manchester City 1 and even a debate about Shola Ameobi’s hat collection fails to draw the Football Ramble back from the brink of hysteria in this week’s episode.

Harry Kane’s late equaliser vs. West Ham and Brentford’s illogical decision to sack Mark Warburton do their best, but by the time Sammy Ameobi gets his mensh, Pete’s gone full potty mouth and despite Jim’s best efforts, he stays firmly ensconced in the lav.

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Unfortunately, this is how they do it.

23 February 2015

Kevin Frenemy

Your third favourite crime fighting football related entity returns with Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jim peering at Bradford’s magical FA Cup victory over Sunderland and Tim Sherwood’s unexpected appointment at Aston Villa through the Football Ramble’s greasy magnifying glass.

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“My head isn’t at the right angle for this.”

17 February 2015