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While Paddy Power’s ‘Rainbow Laces’ campaign received a lot of positive coverage last year, many (including us) questioned whether encouraging top flight players to brighten up their already blinding footwear was a little low key to promote real change.

We feared that while certain players might use the campaign to ingratiate themselves with a cause they deemed worthy and popular, real solidarity and progress would only be assured if a significant number of big name players got involved.

To those supporters out there who hurl homophobic insults at players and fans from those spaces in football built on insecurity, fear and ignorance: how’s it feel in there?

Getting a bit tight now, is it?

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By Kelly Welles

Arsenal, Paddy Power, #RainbowLaces

 
Aside from having one of the finest names in world football, Alfreð Finnbogason was the top scorer in the Eredivisie in the 2013/14 season, and last night was set to receive an award when it all got a bit too much for him.

Same thing happened to me once, while I was doing computer games presentation for HMV. I’d smoked too many menthol cigarettes to ease my nerves and collapsed onto a flipchart.

He’s an athlete though. Unlikely to be dim enough to smoke. Or be working in retail with Christmas coming up, for that matter.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T @simonjjames.

Eredivisie, Alfreð Finnbogason, Heerenveen, Ruud van Nistelrooy

 
It’s a trope of motoring show Top Gear that James May never beats anyone or wins anything.

His nickname is Captain Slow, he’s famously cautious when it comes to vehicle selection (where rules allow, he will always select a Volvo for challenges) and notoriously awful at utilising the allure afforded to him by fame and proximity to Jeremy Clarkson.

 
On every measurable scale, Karim Benzema should thrash James May.

But as you can see from the above clip, the Real Madrid forward made a rookie mistake when arriving at training in his black and chrome Bugatti Veyron. One hand on the steering wheel, the other probing his expensive teeth, he wanted to appear as though he couldn’t have cared less whether he was driving £2m worth of supercar or a milkfloat.

You’ve just shilled that much money on a car engineered, crafted and designed to be the most powerful, beautiful means of transport on this planet and you don’t care?

 
You’re a prat, Benzema. May might be jiggling around in an orange jumpsuit, but at least he’s getting something from the experience.

Take some tips from the newly crowned Captain Cool. You could use them.

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By Kelly Welles

Real Madrid, James May, Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear, Karim Benzema

 
They’re used to blokes getting overexcited and trying to plant things in inappropriate places at Fenerbahçe, but eyebrows were still raised on Monday when goalkeeper Volkan Demirel launched his crotch at hapless pelanty taker Felipe Melo after he skied the decisive strike in the Turkish Supercup.

After initially making a dart to his left post, Demirel took a decent run up and smashed Melo with his hips. It’s unclear quite what he was trying to do, but we can confirm that Melo’s face bore none of the hesitation marks the centre circle of the Şükrü Saracoğlu stadium did after Souness and his infamous insertion.

beard

Former Chelsea and Liverpool midfielder Raul Meireles celebrated Fener’s win in a much more respectful manner. By posting a picture of his ruddy great beard next to the trophy.

Better.

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By Kelly Welles

Galatasaray, Volkan Demirel, Fenerbahçe, Turkish Supercup, Graeme Souness, Felipe Melo, Raul Meireles

 
Juve’s latest social media campaign requires you to impress Andrea Pirlo with your skills.

Given that he remains unmoved by an axe balancer, an opera singer and a couple of flirty surfers, it’s highly unlikely that staring intently into his eyes before dribbling all over his smart Jeep trackie top and collapsing into a heap at his feet is going to impress football’s official arbiter of cool.

Effectively rules us out then, doesn’t it?

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By Kelly Welles

Juventus, Andrea Pirlo, Jeep

 
We’re getting close to a YouTube montage situation here, people. I’m thinking a choice selection of World Cup misses interspersed with panoramic face palms and the now notorious sadface on the bench, all soundtracked by The Longpigs heart wrenching ode to never-ending pain : On and On.

This penalty miss deserves a looping crescendo, wouldn’t you say?

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By Kelly Welles

Brazil, Fred, The Longpigs

 
At least he put the kid down first. Perhaps he’s mellowing with age.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T The Secret Journalist.

Diego Maradona

 
You thought that Michael Owen’s outrageous and frequently hilarious hubris had retired with him, didn’t you?

You were wrong. The man who shook the world (in his day) was having a kick about with Conference Premier side Chester FC when struck the ball into the goal so hard, the net needed fixing.

Did you get that? He hit it so hard, THE NET NEEDED FIXING. OKAY?

Good. As you were.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T @waatp.

Michael Owen, Chester FC

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