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Norrkoping striker Alhaji Kamara responded to a second yellow and subsequent red card in his side’s Allsvenskan fixture vs. Orebro yesterday by running off the pitch, screaming his little heart out.

No idea why. It’s not as if Kenny Pavey was after him.

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By Kelly Welles

Kenny Pavey, Allsvenskan, Orebro, Norrkoping, Alhaji Kamara

 
A long, relaxed, slow up-yours to Jurgen Klinsmann from the USMNT’s out of favour striker.

Nice work, Landy. Although if you’ve got that much time on your hands, you should probably consider upgrading to a PS4. The resolution on your World Cup winning goal would then be as sharp as the point you’re making.

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By Kelly Welles

usmnt, Landon Donovan

 
There’s going to come a time in your World Cup experience when you have to explain to someone who doesn’t watch football why there are people rioting outside the stadia. Why the population of Brazil, known for their passionate love of the game, are protesting against its most prestigious tournament being held in their country. Basically, you’re going to have to explain why everybody hates FIFA.

This, by former Daily Show contributor John Oliver, should help.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T @lozil.

FIFA, World Cup 2014

 
Yep. The referee ruled there had been no infringment and Ashad Ali Adubarey’s pelanty stood, enabling the Maldives to beat Afghanistan and sneak third place in the 2014 AFC Challenge Cup.

Neymar will be all over this.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T guardian.

 

Ashad Ali Adubarey, Maldives, Afghanistan

 
Oh, and he so nearly made a valid point! It’s a rookie mistake on a topical debate show and you hate to see it.

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By Kelly Welles

QPR, Joey Barton

As we have long suspected, when you give Real Madrid nice things to play with, this is what happens.

On the plus side, photographic evidence reveals that Pepe did not stoop to wearing shinpads for the celebration. Although that might be more to do with the indecent haste with which he disposed of his tracksuit after the final whistle. 

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By Kelly Welles

Real Madrid, Pepe

 
We know the Brazuca is the most tested football ever. Largely because in our capacity as edgy football pundits of the moment, we’ve sat through about 10,000 videos of various people doing just that.

For this reason alone, we can confidently say that this one, featuring rum magnate Captain Morgan and his team of swarthy knaves, is our favourite.

So much so, in fact, that we’re going to save up for a Brazuca, climb into the Ramble-mobile, set a course for a beach and re-enact the whole darn shebang for our (and your) entertainment.

Anyone know where you can rent a cannon by the hour?

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By Kelly Welles

Brazuca, Captain Morgan

 
You remember that bit from Raiders of the Lost Ark when the chap in the fancy outfit offers our hero a lesson in swordsmanship, only to be shot by as unimpressed an archaeologist in a hat as you’re likely to see?

Course you do. You wouldn’t be reading this if you were a fool.

Liverpool vs. Chelsea was like that. Having spent most of the season beguiling the neutrals with their flamboyant, proactive football, Liverpool yesterday found themselves neutered by Chelsea’s relentless marking and pressure on the ball. Brendan Rodgers can complain all he likes about Jose Mourinho parking the bus and encouraging his players to timewaste, but the truth is, he’s missed the point by a country mile.

 
Mourinho is an astute coach who drills his team to concentrate for ninety minutes because he knows that eventually, the opposition will make a mistake. It’s no accident that both Chelsea goals came by way of errors, but even the Machiavellian Portuguese couldn’t have foreseen that the first would be the result of a catastrophic slip by Liverpool’s talismanic midfielder, given the history between the two. He didn’t need to. He simply knew when that inevitable mistake arrived, at whatever point in the game, the man closest to it would need to be ready to take advantage. Ba was, and so were Willian & Torres.

Instead of moaning about it and annoying everyone who’s been admiring his brand of attacking football this season, Rodgers should be more pragmatic.

Like Zlatan was when he got megged by Aurelien Chedjou during Lille’s game vs. PSG back in January.

Obviously he’s going hunt Chedjou down with a Bowie knife when the season finishes, but y’know. There’s a dignity involved in being seen to accept a pounding occasionally.

stourbride

Speaking of dignity, does anyone know this Stourbridge fan? He borrowed Pete’s suit and we’re going to be needing it for the live show.

Answers on a postcard to the usual address, please.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T @Danny_Loo, Beautiful Soccer Goals.

Liverpool, Paris St Germain, Chelsea, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Lille, Stourbridge

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