Videos from The Football Ramble
It seems fitting that the Ramble’s favourite fail magnet was born on Valentine’s Day. The man is a lover, not a fighter, and to prove it, we’ve rounded up some of our favourite Keggy moments for you all to enjoy.
It’s our Valentine to you guys. Browse it while you’re waiting for your postman to arrive.
We’re sure he or she will be there soon, although it is getting late, isn’t it?
Keggy vs. Machine
It’s impossible to over emphasise how exciting BBC Superstars was to the unfortunate generations who missed out. It’s persecution and reckless endangerment of athletes in the prime of their career is crystallised beautifully in this clip, which sees our man pedalling the hell out of a racer before stacking it, sliding across several feet of gravel before coming to rest, legs akimbo, on the track.
What. A. Guy.
Keggy vs. Gender Stereotypes
Real men wear pink.
Keggy vs. Gravity
Some Newcastle United players have come to regret their association with helicopters, but not Keegan. This, one of his finest moments, sees him plucked, in full kit, from the St James’ Park pitch after announcing his retirement.
Despite his best efforts, Graham Souness failed to spoil the party.
Keggy vs. Biology
The seventies. Quite homoerotic really.
Keggy vs. Football
Ever since then I waited for the teamsheet before changing. Keegan, for example, would come in and tell us if we were playing straight away. His team talks were always very simple and he’d often say, “Just two minutes of your time, lads.” Once he came in and was about to speak to us when he went back out again to get his coat. Tino stood up, put on a coat and went, “OK lads just two minutes of your time,” in that accent of his. Seconds later KK walked in and just told Tino to carry on! Some managers would have gone spare but Keegan always laughed and joked with the rest of the lads.”
John Beresford. Newcastle United Defender, 1992-1998
Keggy vs. The Football Ramble
No man can call himself an elite footballer until he has survived the scrutiny of the DWHof panel.
He did, therefore he can.
By Kelly Welles
It’s been almost five years since Cristiano Ronaldo left Manchester United for the slightly brighter environs of the Bernabeu, but it seems that he still holds Sir Alex Ferguson’s methods in high regard.
Using our own limited knowledge of Spanish, the subtitles and Google Translate (yes, we really have gone big time) on this recent video, we’ve worked out that Ronaldo defends Nike against Xabi Alonso’s dismissal of their product as “basketball shoes” by claiming that they are worn by TOP, TOP players.
Tabloid editors (and pedants like us) will instantly spot that Ronaldo’s words echo that of his former manager, who kicked off a huge debate about Steven Gerrard’s footballing ability after using those very words in his autobiography.
Will this spark a war of words between the two biggest boot manufacturers in the world? Are Nike boots really made of plastic or are they actually an amalgam of recycled water bottles and Pebax® Renu? Is this a hint from Ronaldo that he’s preparing for a move back to Old Trafford?
And perhaps the most important question - will Brendan Rodgers get involved?
If so, you can be sure we’ll be all over it. OK?
By Kelly Welles
H/T to Chris Nee for the spot.
If, like us, your self-belief far outweighs your ability on the football pitch, you’ll be delighted with Umbro’s latest initiative. They’re offering you, the hopelessly optimistic amateur footballer, the opportunity to have your efforts judged by that denizen of inexplicable yet utterly awesome strikes, Roberto Carlos.
Five lucky winners will be flown to Brazil and kitted out in Umbro’s finest gear for an exclusive skills session with Roberto at Atlético Paranaense’s top class training facility.
All you have to do is download the Golaço app, bribe a friend to film you down the park until you score an absolutely staggering goal, then upload it for Roberto to pass judgement. It can be any kind of goal - a Rooney overhead shinner, a Zlatan kung-fu backheel, an audacious Beckham punt from the halfway line - the only stipulation being that the ball has to go into the net in a manner worthy of Roberto’s attention.
You can wear Umbro Speciali boots like the diminutive left back if you think it will help you emulate him, but with the best will in the world, if you’re that delusional, you probably don’t feel that you could learn anything at a training session with Roberto Carlos.
The competition closes on February 21st, giving you just over three weeks to hone your skills to the point where smashing the ball into the back of the net in a spectacular, Brazilian legend-baiting manner is second nature.
What are you waiting for? Get out there, get filming, get firing. Make us proud!
By Kelly Welles
Clarence Seedorf’s cunning plan to propel AC Milan to the Scudetto appears to involve hurling balls at his players until they develop the self-belief and confidence required to embarrass their rich, successful rivals, or Ricky Kaka cries.
Nevertheless, they should count themselves lucky. If Zlatan was the ex-player charged with saving the day, he’d be firing bowling balls at them from the bridge of his Zeppelin. And loving it.
By Kelly Welles
Video viia 101greatgoals.